I can remember times when I would lay in bed and hear my dad grumbling about something. The louder he was the more I anticipated my name being yelled and my being blamed for whatever he found that he didn't like. Maybe it was something I did, maybe it wasn't.
You know what’s sad, is that I still get that fear when I hear my husband downstairs. What's funny is that sometimes he's just talking the dog, or yelling at her for something she did after I went to bed. Not that there aren't times when he's come into our room and said something about what he may have found that he was not happy to have found. Like one of the girls not cleaning something up as they should have. On an occasion he's been annoyed by something I did.
Though I know that I am safe with my husband and that he would never hurt me, even in anger, that fear can still linger inside and rear its ugly head now and then.
I feel that small child fear now and then, and not just in the above situation, but in other situations and at other times.
It is quite common for me to jump to conclusions as my husband calls it when he’s upset about something and I automatically assume it’s at me. The difference is that unlike with my parents and other parental figures (even now), I can stand up to my husband. Which he kind of finds funny, I might add. However, there are times when I’m standing up to him because I have allowed my fear run wild.
I wish in my times of fear I could remember bible verses such as these (taken from blueletterbible.org/NLT version):
Psalm 27:3 Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will know no fear. Even if they attack me, I remain confident.
Psalm 91:5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day
Proverbs 3:24 You can lie down without fear and enjoy pleasant dreams.
Micah 4:4 Everyone will live quietly in their own homes in peace and prosperity, for there will be nothing to fear. The LORD Almighty has promised this!
If I give my fears to God, He will take over them for me. He will do the same for you as well, if you let him.
