Insight of the Day: Energy for Life

"You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind. Your mind gets bored and therefore tired of doing nothing. Get interested in something! Get absolutely enthralled in something! Get out of yourself! Be somebody! Do something! The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have."

Norman Vincent Peale
1898-1993, Pastor, Speaker and Author


I really liked this quote when I received it as an email. It made me think of things going on in my life and the lack of energy I have.

Since my illness in 2006 I have been trying hard to regain what little bit of energy I had. Because I deal with anxiety and depression I loose my focus and energy when things become difficult in life very easily. But when you add a severe illness to that, that not only almost took your life but also left you weak in so many ways, gaining energy back is very difficult. If you have any post illness issues those don't help either, believe I know!

My illness is only one (and the most recent) of the situations in my life that have zapped my energy. However, as I have grown (and still am growing) from these many situations I have learned that not only have I become bored with life because I have lost the drive to do things but that more importantly I have slacked off on my walk with God. I see where it is so very important to allow God to lead my life and help me through the issues that have caused me to loose my energy for life. Because it’s not just about loosing your energy to do things you used to do or need to do it about loosing energy for life in general. Not that you want to end your life, not by a long shot. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters to live for and God’s plan for my life. He didn’t save me, last year, for nothing. But even as I type this I know that I have not given Him ALL that has happened for the past 12 months. I am holding on to bits and pieces of it. Why? Because I’m weak and I let things get to me and grab a hold of me and consequently run me down.

I’m here to say that I’ve had enough! It is time to get interested in God, in my life, and in the things I enjoy doing. It’s time to quit holding everything in. It’s time to be who God wants and created me to be. I may not know exactly what my path is but I can become energized and ready to walk that path doing the things I know I have to do now and be ready for more has He sends it my way. I’m going to live my life for Him and not for myself and if I know God well enough I know that He will not allow me to become bored with my life nor lack the energy. He will show me how to be the woman He wants me to be, the wife my husband needs me to be, the mother my girls need, and the leader my ministry needs me to be.

Life is too important, and precious, to lack energy!

Insight of the Day

The quote, below, came to me in an email.

"People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims unless they develop a greater vision for their lives." Stedman Graham -- Speaker, Author and Educator

Upon reading it I thought about how true this is. I am a survivor of childhood abuse and a survivor of a sever illness that could have taken my life and that caused a year of healing and small battles.

However, I feel this quote fits better with my childhood abuse.

I strongly believe that each of us are given different ways to deal with situations where we have been a victim. Some rebell against whomever has hurt them, especially children. Sadly, some don't know how to handle it and feel it's best to end their life than have to deal with the pain any longer. Some hide the truth and/or pretend it didn't happen. This is how I was brought up. We brushed everything under the rug and pretended it didn't exist. After HS, I tried leaving the situation, at home, and lived with my grandmother. Well the situation was still there. So after a year I moved out on my own. No, I wasn't around the abuser any longer but the aftermath of the abuse was still with me.

I was (and am) very lucky to have a boyfriend (and now husband of many years) that loved me even through my trying to deal with the hurt, anger, and hatred that I had bottled up within me. It wasn't until we were married and had two children that I finally sought out help and really realized the anger and hatred I had built up. See, growing up I was never allowed to be angry or hate anyone (espeically when one abuser was my grandfather and the other my mother) so I blocked those feelings. So in around about way I was still allowing myself to be a victim of the abusers even with one of them dead and having no contact with the other.

No, I will never be completely healed so that I don't have memories that cause the hurt and hatred to surface. But I do have God to help me forgive as many times as I need to. I am also following His lead in using my abuses and experiences to help others. With the help of my church family I have started a healing ministry. I can only hope and pray that through this ministry we can (with God's help) reach out to those that are hurting and let them know that it's ok to feel the pain and anger and hatred and help them deal with it so they don't remain a victim all their life.

I pray that you are not a victim of a past or even present circumstance. Please know that you are more than welcome to post your situation, in as much detail or little detail as you like, and I will keep you in my prayers so that God can lead you to healing and a happier life.

One Year Later

Today, October 25, 2007, marks one year since I originally became ill. If you have not already done so you can read more about my illness in the “Awareness” posting.

While I am finally free of all infection, which I should point out didn’t happen till July, there are still a few things I am struggling with as the aftermath of the infection. The biggest issue is not having the energy I need to really accomplish things (something I really need to speak with my doctor about and possibly get some medication changes, as previous to becoming ill I battle depression). Probably the most annoying thing is the memory lapses I have when talking to people. I know what I’m trying to say and yet the word(s) has “vanished” from my mind and I end up struggling to finish whatever it was I was talking about. This can be really embarrassing to especially when talking to someone I don’t know, at all or very well. I feel like I look like an absent minded idiot. LOL

An infection as sever as I had takes a lot out of you and for a long time. My O.B. said, just last month, that it will be a long while before I am back to 100%. That being said I guess I need have patience but that can be hard. Not only was I physically ill but dealing with the fact I was so close to death and being so sick and unable to care for my girls as I felt I should be left me feeling emotionally and even spiritually drained.

Now don’t think I have nothing but depressing and negative things to say a year later. Not by a long shot. I have a lot to be thankful for and plenty of people to thank for all that was done to help my family and me.

First and foremost I have God to thank for saving me to begin with. Some may say I’m crazy. But I strongly feel it was God that wouldn’t let me rest, the night before I called the doctor and was told to go to E.R. Why? Because for the two days previous I did what the doctor’s (over the phone) told me to do…. Watch “it” because what I had sounded like the flu. Yeah, I could have “watched” it a few more hours but my husband would have come home from work, or even worse, my girls getting up, to find my unconscious or worse. I thank God for giving me the nagging feeling that it was urgent I call the doctors office. But God didn’t stop there. Do you realize that 70% of those that get TSS usually die? OK, yes medicine has improved greatly and there are some powerful drugs out there and yes I was one of the most powerful ones. But medicine alone isn’t always what heals us. God’s will for us does, you just have to believe. I am not finished on earth yet; if I were I would not be here to share this with you now. I don’t know yet what His plan is but I am looking forward to fulfilling it for Him! Of course this also means being better disciplined in my bible and prayer life!

I couldn’t have asked for a better support system. If I had had only family members to rely on we would have been in a world of hurt, but that’s another posting. LOL Knowing this, God gave us an even better family, a family made up of friends and our church family. Not only were the prayers being said but also had warm, home cooked meals brought to us for at least three weeks. Two very dear friends filled in as a taxi service for me so I could get to the doctor, when my husband wasn’t available, so I could get to church, when I was strong enough to go back, and more. My church family also paid for my youngest to go to preschool two days a week so she could get out of the house and I could get some quiet time to rest. There were so many things done, out of the kindness and generosity of those we know, and some we don’t, that we were able to have a nice Christmas for the girls. I tell you what if you want to know whom really and sincerely cares and loves you, you’ll find out when things get tough! And beware it’s not always those you think it would be or even should be.

So yes, there are things I am still struggling with, a year later, but there are many things to be thankful for and to celebrate. I think the big celebration will be Sunday. That marks the year date of being rushed to the hospital near death.

I pray that you never have to deal with being as sick as I was. But if you do know that I will pray for God to heal you in the same way he did me and to provide a wonderful support system for you as you heal. If you ever have a prayer request please do not hesitate to post it on this blog!

May God bless you and your family!

*Re-Gifting*

A woman had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift.

"Aha," she thought, "I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present."

She took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith examined the tray carefully, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

This joke was a daily email from http://www.crosswalk.com/. I couldn't resist sharing it with everyone.

Today's Encouraging Words

Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and
foolish.

Proverbs 18:13


Encouragement for Today
How easy it is to offer advice or respond to someone's need before we've thoroughly listened to all the person has to say. And how often do we jump to conclusions and spout off our opinions before we know all the facts? Even worse is gossiping about another person when it's most likely we don't know the full story of his or her situation. This proverb reminds us to make sure we have the full story before we respond in any way, lest we expose our own foolishness.


Visit Today's Christian Woman for more encouraging words and more.

Awareness

Please excuse the extreme spacing on this posting. In order to make it readable and better understood I had to leave it as it was when I copied the HTML from Frontpage to here. If anyone has suggestions on fixing these issues please let me know. I'm new to blogging. Thanks! :)

As some of you may know, I became very ill at the end of October 2006. I went from healthy to a slight fever to near death in less than a week. It was a scary, to say the least, experience. In January I had what I have summed up as a mild re-occurrence. I feel that if it had not been for my ankles I might have been back where I was in October.

At the time I had no idea how close I came to death. I mean I knew I was in bad shape, since I was in severe pain, was to the point I couldn’t move or catch my breath and when they basically have you standing on your head because your blood pressure is almost non-existent, you know it’s bad. I also think there were at least four doctors in and out of the ER room the first hour I was there. Not
to mention all the doctors in and out in the ICU room. But it wasn’t till I was home and talking to friends that I found out that had I waited even two more hours, I could have been gone. David kept making comments about my almost dying on him but I thought he was just scared. But now I know he wasn’t just scared he did almost loose me.

I can’t thank God enough for saving my life! Now all I want to do is, well first get healthy again and stay that way, but more importantly I want to know His plan because if He didn’t have one or if I had already completed it I wouldn’t be here now. I know that one plan is for me to continue my work with the healing ministry I am forming at church, called “Precious Mettle”. I am using my healing experiences, to heal from two childhood abuses, to help other that need and want healing. And it’s not just open for abuse victims but for anyone healing from life hurts. This group is my passion and I will be concentrating most of my summer on campaigning it at church and within the community.

I am also feeling lead to share my story of recovery from my illness and to create an awareness of regarding the illness I had. It is something that no one really understands and jumps to conclusions based on what information is given. I am a firm believer in using your experiences to help others, so here goes…

Though there is a debate between the infectious disease doctor and my O.B., the consensus is that I had Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS). The infectious disease doctor says, “Yes, that’s what I had”, the O.B. says, “yes you had many of the symptoms but I’m not sure that’s exactly what you had, but at the same time we can’t pinpoint what you did have”.

I know what some of you may be thinking, and it is the same response I receive any time I tell about my illness, “oh my you abused tampons”. Ok so maybe it’s not said exactly like that but the pause or the looks when I say TSS say plenty. And ok, so maybe I should not let what other people think bother me. But it does, especially when even your MIL believes that’s how it happened. But it
doesn’t bother me out of embarrassment, for myself, but that no one really understands what this is. Yes, the most commonly known way to develop TSS is through tampon usage. However, it is not the only way and it does not only attack women.

Below is information I researched and found on-line regard TSS along with some notes about what I experienced (in italics).

WebMD says:

What is toxic shock syndrome?

Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is a rare, often life-threatening illness that develops suddenly after an infection and can rapidly affect several different organ systems, including the lungs, kidneys, and liver. I had issues with each of these; most concern was with my liver. Since toxic shock syndrome progresses quickly, immediate medical treatment is needed. I started with menstrual type cramping and a fever on a Wednesday morning. I was vomiting, and such, by that night. By Friday night I couldn’t even keep a sip of water/juice down and felt very weak and out of breath. I barely made it from the car to the ER check-in. For, at least two days, I was so weak I could not move. I could feel myself sliding down, in the bed, and would have to have the nurse or David lift me back up.

What causes toxic shock syndrome?

Toxic shock syndrome is the rare result of infection by Streptococcus pyogenes (group A strep) or Staphylococcus aureus (staph) bacteria. These bacteria produce toxins that can affect most people. However, people who haven't developed immunity to these toxins can have a severe
reaction to them, resulting in toxic shock syndrome.

• Strep TSS most often occurs after childbirth, the flu (influenza), chickenpox,
  surgery, minor skin cuts or wounds, or injuries that cause bruising but may not break the skin.




• This is the form I had. In January and February I had post strep
  reactive arthritis. When I first saw my rheumatologist, about my ankles, he wanted to be sure that my body was free of infection and found
  the strep. Now I thank God for the problems with my ankles because I fear this could have lead to a re-occurrence of the TSS. Outside of
  what appeared to be a ruptured ovarian cyst we are unsure what caused me to become sick. I also had the worst yeast infection I had ever
  had, the week before.




• Staph TSS most often occurs after prolonged use of a tampon (menstrual TSS) or
  after a surgical procedure, such as nose surgery using packing bandages (nonmenstrual TSS).
  

What are the symptoms?

TSS symptoms develop quickly and can become life-threatening within 2 days. First signs of TSS usually include:

(I have underlined my symptoms and made notes in italics)

• Severe flu-like symptoms, such as muscle aches and pains, stomach cramps, a headache, or a sore throat.
  




• Sudden fever over 102 F. Mine reached 104.




• Vomiting and diarrhea.
  




• Signs of shock, including low blood pressure and rapid heartbeat, often with lightheadedness, fainting, nausea, vomiting, or restlessness and confusion.




• A rash that looks like a sunburn. The rash can be over several areas of your
  body or just in specific places such as the armpits or the groin. I did not have the rash when I originally got sick, but I did have it when I started having problems with my ankles.




• Pain at the site of an infection (if a wound or injury to the skin is involved).
  I had sever lower abdominal pain and vaginal pain (and itching). The only way I was not in extreme pain was if I was lying down. Even walking and going from a sitting/lying position, or visa-verse, was painful. Just before I called the doctor my cat decided to walk across
  my abdomen and it was so painful I screamed.




• Redness in the nasal passages and inside the mouth.
  

Other TSS symptoms that may follow include:

• Conjunctivitis (pinkeye).




• Involvement of more than one organ system, most commonly the lungs, and
  kidneys.




• Blood infection (sepsis) that affects the entire body. I was diagnosed, without a doubt,
  of being sepsis, all the doctors that treated me agreed on this one.




• Skin tissue death (necrosis), which occurs early in the syndrome.




• Skin tissue shedding (desquamation), which occurs during recovery.
  

Toxic shock symptoms vary slightly depending on the strep or staph bacteria involved.

How is it treated?

Emergency treatment often requires intravenous fluid replacement and hospital intensive care, particularly when the body has gone into shock. Further treatment involves antibiotics to kill the bacteria involved, removing any source of infection, and treating any complications. If there are no major complications, most people recover completely in 1 to 2 weeks with antibiotic treatment.

Here’s a bit of follow-up and treatment information from the emedicine site:

(I have underlined my experiences and made notes in italics)

Further Inpatient Care:

• Admit the patient to the ICU for further hemodynamic monitoring and/or ventilatory support. I was not on a ventilator but was on oxygen.

• Perinatal antibiotic therapy should be administered for 7 days, followed by 7 days of oral therapy.

• Some patients may require dialysis.

Further Outpatient Care:

• Close follow-up is recommended, because some patients can have sequelae.
  I think this might have been the strep infection found in February along with the re-active arthritis, if I understand what the term sequelae means.

Complications:

• Reversible loss of hair and nails. I am still battling hair loss, though it is starting to come back in.

• Prolonged neuromuscular abnormalities. This almost sounds like the arthritis I developed!? Hadn’t read this before.

• Late onset rash

• Gangrene and/or cyanotic extremities

• Memory and/or concentration difficulties. I have noticed this, even now! I will be talking about something and will suddenly loose my train of thought.

• Recurrence of TSS

Prognosis:

• The prognosis generally is poor for streptococcal TSS, with mortality rate as high as 70%. I was VERY lucky! Thank you God!

• Recurrences may result in 40-50% of patients.

• Most recurrences occur sooner than 2 months after the initial episode.
  

• Recurrences generally are less severe than the initial episode, but deaths have been reported.

Please don’t think that I noted my issues so everyone could feel sorry for me, I did this so you could see what a person goes through outside of what is said in some medical journal/website. I felt that if you knew first hand what happened, you might understand better. I’m also not telling you any of this to scare you. I just feel there is a need for awareness outside of what they post on tampon boxes and so that should you ever become sick suddenly you may know what to do more than I did. I called my O.B. and asked about the sudden cramping and fever because of the yeast infection but because I was about to start my cycle and had just finished medication for the yeast infection they said to watch it and that a yeast infection doesn’t cause a fever. I called my family physician and was told that because I only had a fever that I just needed to watch it. So that’s what I did till I couldn’t handle any more. I was lying on the bathroom floor or the sofa with a trash can near all day and night. Just walking 100 feet from my bedroom to my office took my breath away and I thought I was going to pass out. While I lay on the sofa waiting for David to get home, my neighbor was with me so she could stay with the girls, I just prayed that I would make it till he got home and could get me to the ER. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it from the car to the ER. The ER check-in tech told me I should have come in hours ago.

Because they didn’t know what was going on I was put on pain medication, via an IV, seen by four doctors, taken to have a scan done, had other scans done in the ER room all the while I was laying basically in a headstand position so they could get my blood pressure back. I was so dry, not even an ice chip helped but till they determined whether surgery was out I couldn’t have anything to
drink. I remember some things while I was in ICU. The worst part was the oxygen mask. I swear I was having hallucinations or something. I would wake up and realize I was trying to rip the mask off or I would wake up to the nurse telling me I had to leave it on, not even realizing what I was doing till then. On a lighter note, when I vision myself in the ICU bed, now, all I can vision is me being in a
partial bed, it’s like cut off at my knees or something but yet my feet are there too. Because I was on so many medications, and they had o take blood so much, they had to put a central line in my shoulder that had at least five IV ports. When I was finally taken to a regular room I was given daily shots, in my stomach, so I wouldn’t get blood clots. They would nag me to eat; constantly; only food tasted and ooked horrible, not just because it was hospital food either. I think I ate more orange sherbet than I did anything else and drank lots of fruit juice. I lost at least 20 pounds in the two weeks I was in the hospital. I was so weak when I came home all I could do, and wanted to do, was sleep.

I also tell you all of this because it helps to talk about it. I still cry when I think about the fact I was near eath and I could have left a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters behind. They are tears of fear, fear of being sick again, tears of thankfulness, to God, for saving me, and tears of joy because I am still here. These feelings, and reactions to my story, are what lead me to share my story, in more depth.

Should you ever want to know more or have questions please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Also, if you would like to read further please visit:

http://women.webmd.com/tc/Toxic-Shock-Syndrome-Topic-Overview
http://www.toxicshock.com/
http://www.emedicine.com/EMERG/topic600.htm